The Bizarro Hall of Fame

Wednesday, January 25, 2023

The Bizarro Hall of Fame: Introducing the Class of 2023

I used to do a small write up every year on the players who received zero votes on the Hall of Fame ballot, but last year I just couldn’t work up the momentum to get it done (2021 into 2022 was not my best year). Once is an accident but twice is a trend, so I wanted to get it done this year. I’m sure we’ll revisit the 2022 guys at some point.

Matt Cain - Cain was a very good pitcher for his first eight major league seasons, posting an ERA+ of 127 in 236 games (all but one of them starts) from 2005-12. His final five seasons were a different story, with a 78 ERA+ in 106 games, including ten out of the bullpen.

Still, there were moments of brilliance, including three All-Star team selections (2009, 2011, 2012), World Series championships with the Giants in 2010, 2012, and 2014 (though he didn’t appear in the third postseason run), and a perfect game against the Houston Astros on June 13, 2012.

Jacoby Ellsbury - As a Red Sox fan, the first word that comes to mind when Ellsbury is mentioned is “fast.” I’m not looking it up at the moment (this is a very on the fly, off the top of my head with a dash of Baseball Reference episode of the Bizarro Hall) but pretty sure he did the usual fast guy stuff: infield hit on a routine ground ball, scoring from second on a wild pitch, rounding the bases so fast time ran backwards. It was his thing and he used it to lead the American League in steals three times, with a high of 70 in 2009.

Of course, the second thing that comes to mind is overrated, and it’s largely based on his 2011 season (second place MVP finish, 30 homers and 30 steals, 146 OPS+, his only All-Star Game and Gold Glove), which I’m pretty sure led to a big contract with the Yankees after the 2013 season. That contract, unfortunately, put him on the Carl Crawford Career Path. He averaged about 25 steals over four seasons but never hit more than 16 homers.

He also stole a base in the 2007 World Series, which actually irritated me because it meant everyone got a free taco at Taco Bell, and while I love Taco Bell tacos, I also lived down the street from Taco Bell at the time and it took me forever to get home that day.

Andre Ethier - Ethier was a talented player who I thought was better than he was. It was genuinely surprising to look up his stats and see just one thirty homer season and a couple All-Star appearances on his resume. My brain might be confusing him with Matt Kemp to a degree. Like Matt Cain with the Giants, Ethier played his entire career with one team, the Dodgers.

JJ Hardy - Hardy was a below-average offensive player for most of his career, though he did have a little pop (five 20 homer seasons, with a high of 30 for Baltimore in 2011) as a shortstop. He could also field a little, with three straight Gold Gloves from 2012-14. Coming into this, I would not have guess that he had more career home runs than Andre Ethier (188 to 162).

Jhonny Peralta - A shortstop like J.J. Hardy, Peralta hit more home runs (202, including five seasons with 20-plus and 11 straight with at least ten) but doesn’t have the defensive hardware to compare. Where Hardy is fifth all-time in fielding % as a shortstop, Peralta ranks 13th (which still seems pretty impressive to me but what do I know).

Jered Weaver - Weaver was a guy who probably could’ve picked up a couple votes and nobody would’ve batted an eye. He was one of baseball’s best pitchers from 2010-12, finishing in the top five of the Cy Young voting all three years, leading the American League in strikeouts in 2010 and wins in 2012. He won 18 games in 2014 but his ERA+ was 100, which pretty much answers the question of why wins have fallen out of favor over the past few years.

Jayson Werth - Werth won a World Series with the Phillies in 2008 and made another appearance in 2009, hitting 24 and 36 home runs, respectively (the first of four straight 20 homer seasons). I always think of him as a disappointment for the contract he signed with the Nationals after the 2010 season and I guess he didn’t live up to expectations in Washington, only playing four full seasons out of seven and hitting 20-plus home runs three times. He was a much better base stealer than I remember, with 132 for his career, two 20-20 seasons, and a career 85% success rate.

Wednesday, January 27, 2021

The Bizarro Hall of Fame: Introducing the Class of 2021

Sometimes, a Bizarro Hall of Fame class is characterized for me by the players who are missing. I’ll never forget the year that Mike Morgan and Rich Garces were left off the ballot completely, thus depriving them the chance at Bizarro immortality. Likewise, when a single writer case a vote for Tim Wakefield, my wife’s favorite player, it broke my heart a little.

Another name was added to that list this year when someone voted for Barry Zito. Now, Barry Zito was a very fine pitcher and seems to be a very fine human, a guy who started his career strong, struggled, and ultimately came back around at the end to help his team to a World Series win. And, in a field where a lot of guys seem to struggle when figuring out what’s next, he’s got a nice post-baseball career as a successful musician. I love all that.

What puts him into a different category, however, is that he is my friend Trish’s favorite player. She’s his number one fan. And that one writer who threw a courtesy vote his way means I don’t get to tell her that he is a Bizarro Hall of Famer, which is clearly the best individual honor a player can achieve, and one she would have delighted in. That makes me sad.

A.J. Burnett – On May 12, 2001, Burnett threw what is widely regarded as one of the worst no-hitters in major league history, walking nine batter and hitting another in a performance that would have made Nuke LaLoosh proud. It was the 250th no-no in major league history, and of course there were Bizarro connections: Burnett’s catcher was Charles Johnson (’11), who caught three no-hitters in his career, and the last out was made by Phil Nevin (’12).

Michael Cuddyer – Minnesota’s first round pick (ninth overall) in 1997, Cuddyer spent his first eleven seasons with the Twins before signing with Colorado following the 2011 season. He won the 2013 National League batting title with the Rockies. He signed with the Mets in 2015 and made his only World Series appearance that season, but it was bittersweet: his final major league appearance came in Game 1 against the Royals, when he was brought in as a pinch-hitter in the seventh inning, struck out three times, and was eventually removed for a pinch-hitter.

Dan Haren – A quality, durable (he started 30+ games for eleven consecutive seasons) pitcher in his own right, Haren made an interesting sub-career out of being involved in trades for quality-ish pitchers: he was dealt five times between 2004-15 in deals that included Mark Mulder, Brett Anderson, Patrick Corbin, Joe Saunders, Tyler Skaggs, and Andrew Heaney. The right-hander ultimately played for eight teams, only two of which (Washington in 2013 and the Los Angeles Dodgers in 2014) were of his choosing (and the Dodgers traded him following his first season there).

Nick Swisher – With all the players I’ve looked at for this series over the years, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone’s reaction to appearing on the ballot. When this year’s ballot was released, Swisher wrote on Twitter, “Grateful! Humbled! Honored! You always hear “it’s an honor just to be nominated” and I can officially say it’s true! Just to be considered with my peers means the world to me! #blessed”. I enjoy that response.

Fun fact: Swisher pitched once in his major league career, early in the 2009 season for the eventual world champion Yankees (his only World Series ring). He recorded three outs; the second was Carlos Pena (’20), the third was Pat Burrell (’17).

Shane Victorino – One of the best Hawaiian-born players in major league history (he’s third in WAR behind Charlie Hough and Sid Fernandez), most fans probably remember Victorino as a member of the Philadelphia Phillies, where he played eight seasons in his prime. I have a Shane Victorino Red Sox shirsey, however, from the three years he spent in Boston. The best of those was 2013, when he hit .294 with 15 homeruns, 61 RBI, 21 stolen bases, and won a Gold Glove.

He got off to a strong start in the postseason that year, hitting safely in all four ALDS games against Tampa Bay before slumping badly in the ALCS. He was just 2-for-23 with nine strikeouts when he came to bat in the seventh inning of Game 6, his Red Sox trailing the Tigers 2-1. Max Scherzer had started the inning but yielded to Drew Smyly after allowing the first two batters to reach base. Smyly faced Jacoby Ellsbury, who reached on an error, before turning the ball over to Jose Veras. And after Veras got Victorino down in the count, 0-2, the struggling outfielder popped a grand slam over the Green Monster to put Boston on top, 5-2, in a game they would eventually win to reach the World Series. It’s one of my favorite redemption moments.

(I should also note that he did the exact same thing in the World Series. After starting 0-10 and sitting for Games 4 and 5, he went 2-3 with four RBI in the deciding Game 6, including a bases-loaded double that gave the Red Sox all the runs they would need.)

Friday, February 28, 2020

The Bizarro Hall of Fame: Introducing the Class of 2020

This year’s Bizarro writeup is more than a month late due to reasons both personal and professional.

Josh Beckett – As a 23-year-old second-year player in 2003, Beckett turned in two of the best postseason performances in recent memory. First, in Game 5 of the National League Championship Series, with his Marlins trailing three games to one and facing elimination, he shut out the Cubs on two hits, striking out eleven and walking just one. Then, thirteen days later (after a similarly dominant but losing effort in Game 3 of the World Series), he closed out the Fall Classic against the Yankees with a five-hit, 2-0 shutout on the road. Four years later, following a disappointing 2006 season with the Red Sox, he once again assumed Mr. October status, winning all four of his starts (including an ALDS complete shutout of the Angels) while allowing just four runs in thirty innings, striking out 35, and walking two.

Heath Bell – After two years in San Diego’s bullpen ahead of Hall of Famer Trevor Hoffman, Bell assumed the role of closer for the Padres when Hoffman left as a free agent after the 2008 season (which I did not remember happening at all). He performed admirably, saving 40+ games each season from 2009-11, but his career went downhill quickly after he signed with Miami as a free agent. He spent one season each with the Marlins, Diamondbacks, and Rays (and also time in the minor leagues with the Orioles and Yankees) before finding himself out of baseball when the Nationals released him before the start of the 2015 season.

Chone Figgins – The most prolific of three base stealers in this year’s Bizarro class, Figgins stole 30+ bases for seven straight seasons from 2004-10, including five seasons with 40+ and a high of 62 in 2005. He didn’t always make the best decisions on the base paths, however, as he was caught 10+ times in each of those seasons and led the league in that category in 2007 and 2009 (he is 119th all-time in steals and 60th in times caught).

Figgins has a World Series ring from his rookie year of 2002, and though he saw limited action in the series (two appearances as a pinch-runner), his impact was undeniable: in Game 6, with the Angels down 5-4 in the eighth inning (following a Darin Erstad leadoff homerun), Figgins pinch-ran for Tim Salmon, took third on Garret Anderson’s single, and scored the tying run on Troy Glaus’s double (which also scored Anderson with the eventual winning run).

Rafael Furcal – The National League Rookie of the Year in 2000 (fellow Bizarros Rick Ankiel, Pat Burrell, and Juan Pierre finished 2nd, 4th, and tied for 6th, respectively), Furcal was a career .281 hitter who stole 314 bases. His world converged with Ankiel’s in the third inning of Game 1 of the 2000 National League Division Series, when Furcal’s foul popfly was one of only two outs record by Ankiel in an inning in which he faced twelve batters, walked four, threw four wild pitches, and allowed three runs before being pulled from the game. Defensively, Furcal made 249 career errors as a shortstop, which seemed like a lot but turns out to be 102nd all-time at the position, fewer than Ozzie Smith and Derek Jeter.

Carlos Pena – In 2006, Pena hit one homerun in 37 plate appearances with the Red Sox. The following year, after he joined the Rays as a free agent, I wrote a post on my old blog about teams that had the longest droughts without a 40-homerun hitter and noted that the Rays didn’t seem likely to end theirs anytime soon. Fast forward to September, when Pena passed that mark, ended up with 46 on the season (19 more than his previous career high), and made a fool out of me. It was the start of a strong five year run with the Rays and Cubs in which he hit 30-100 three times and 20-80 twice.

Brian Roberts – Roberts is one of only five players to hit fifty or more doubles in a season at least three different times. The others? Hall of Famer Tris Speaker (who did it five times), Hall of Famer Stan Musial, Future Hall of Famer Albert Pujols, and Hall of Famer Paul Waner. (They are also 1st, 3rd, 7th, and 14th all-time in two-base hits; Roberts is 256th). He was also an accomplished base stealer, swiping 20+ bags in seven consecutive seasons, with a two year peak of 50 in 2007 and 40 the following year. His career was sad in a Don Mattingly kind of way, though: after a lot of years as a good player on bad teams, he missed the Orioles playoff appearance in 2012 after undergoing hip surgery.

Jose Valverde – Most Bizarro classes feature a closer who racked up a lot of saves. This year’s entry into that sub-group is Valverde, who fell short of 300 career saves (he finished with 288) but still has three years with 40+ on his resume (with three different teams, no less). He was not good in the postseason, with a 9.82 ERA in 14 games. In his only World Series appearance, with Detroit in 2012, he lasted just 1/3 of an inning, striking out the first batter he faced (opposing pitcher Tim Lincecum) before yielding two runs on four straight hits. He didn’t appear in the final three games of the Series, an eventual Giants sweep of Valverde’s Tigers.

Saturday, January 26, 2019

The Bizarro Hall of Fame: Introducing the Class of 2019

Years ago - more than a decade, now - I started a series called the Bizarro Hall of Fame on my old blog. The premise was easy: chronicling the men who appeared on a Baseball Hall of Fame ballot, yet received zero votes. Some time ago, I moved the archives here, to this blog, and every year on Hall of Fame announcement day I look forward to adding to my ranks. So here they are: the eleven newest members of my Bizarro Hall of Fame.

Rick Ankiel – I don’t know how to begin the story of Rick Ankiel (I’ve started and deleted about six paragraphs already, and that was only after scrolling up and down his Baseball-Reference page for ten minutes). Maybe it’s best to say that he was a real life version of Robert Redford’s “The Natural,” a hotshot young pitching prospect (2nd on Baseball America’s 1999 Top 100 list and first the following year) who lost his way and disappeared in the way such prospects are apt to do, only to surprise everyone by reappearing years later as a power-hitting outfielder. I mean, that kinda sums it up, except without the part where the crazy stalker fan tries to kill him.

Ankiel was truly a budding superstar at the turn of the millennium, recording an 11-7 record, 3.50 ERA, and 194 strikeouts in 175 innings for the Cardinals en route to a second-place finish in the Rookie of the Year voting. He turned 21 years old that July, yet performed well enough to be handed the ball for Game One of the National League Division Series against Greg Maddux and the Atlanta Braves.

The first two innings were uneventful; Ankiel worked around a leadoff single and a couple walks in the first and a one-out double in the second as his offense staked him to a six-run lead. In the third, however, the wheels fell off. He walked Maddux on four pitches to lead off the inning, got Rafael Furcal (who had edged him for Rookie of the Year) to pop out, then threw five wild pitches over the course of the next five plate appearances. He walked three more batters (for a total of four in the inning and six in the game), allowed two singles, and four runs before being pulled with two outs (interestingly enough, he managed to strike out future Hall of Famer Chipper Jones in the midst of all this).

After the Cardinals advanced to the National League Championship Series against the Mets, Ankiel was again given the ball in Game Two. It went even worse. He struck out Timo Perez to begin the game, then walked three of the next four batters and threw two more wild pitches before being chased from the game by a Benny Agbayani RBI double. Four days later, down 6-0 in the seventh inning of Game Five, facing elimination, he got one more chance: walk, sacrifice bunt, strikeout (Timo Perez again)…wild pitch, wild pitch, run scores, walk, showers. He only appeared in eleven more games as a pitcher in the major leagues, six in 2001 and five in 2004.

That should’ve been it; that’s how careers end – one day you wake up and you can’t do it anymore. Usually you’re past your mid-twenties when you reach that point, but sometimes you’re not. For Ankiel, however, there was a second act, because it turned out he could hit a little bit. He slugged 21 homeruns in 85 minor league games in 2005, then 32 more in 2007. That earned him a big league audition, which he passed, hitting eleven homeruns in 47 games. The next year, 2008, was his best as a position player, with 25 homeruns and 71 RBI in 120 games.

Ankiel played for the Cardinals until joining the Royals as a free agent in 2010. He was traded to Atlanta at the trade deadline (in a deal that included Tim Collins, one of my all-time favorite players), then signed with Washington for the next two seasons. He signed with Houston for 2013 and was released in May. He ended his career with the Mets, hitting .182 in 20 games. (Also, I think this sets a record for the most I have ever written about a Bizarro inductee.)

Jason Bay – The National League Rookie of the Year with Pittsburgh in 2004, Bay had a really nice five year peak from 2005-09, averaging .279 with 31 homeruns, 103 RBI, and a 131 OPS+. Traded to the Red Sox at the 2008 deadline as part of the deal that finally got Manny Ramirez out of Boston after years or rumors that he was gone, Bay didn’t re-sign in Beantown despite a career-high 36 homeruns and 119 RBI in 2009. Instead, he caught a case of the Mets, hitting a total of 37 homeruns and driving in 144 in the final four years of his career (the last was spent in Seattle). According to Wikipedia, one of the players the Red Sox drafted using the picks received as compensation for Bay signing with the Mets was Brandon Workman, who has two rings with the team and was particularly effective out of the bullpen in the 2013 postseason.

Freddy Garcia – Of the three players dealt to Seattle by the Houston Astros for Randy Johnson at the 1998 trade deadline, two were Bizarro Hall of Famers: Carlos Guillen (Class of 2017) and Garcia (the third, John Halama, only played nine seasons and isn’t eligible to appear on the ballot). Like Guillen, Garcia had a fine career, posting a 116-71 record with a 4.01 ERA and 1,202 strikeouts before his thirtieth birthday. Unfortunately, he pitched until he was 36, and those final seven years were not great save for a small resurgence with the 2011 Yankees. Still, Garcia’s final career record of 156-108, 1,621 strikeouts, and 34.4 WAR is nothing to be ashamed of.

Two of Garcia’s finest moments came in back-to-back starts in the 2005 postseason. First he pitched a complete game in Game Four of the American League Championship Series to give the White Sox a commanding three games to one lead over the Los Angeles Angels, then started and won the deciding fourth game of the World Series, scattering just four hits over seven shutout innings.

Jon Garland – I have no evidence to back this up, but Bizarro Hall of Famers might have influenced the 2005 postseason more than any other. Freddy Garcia won Game Four in both the ALCS and the World Series; 2015 inductee Jermaine Dye was the World Series MVP; and Garland pitched Game Three in both the ALCS and the World Series, winning the former and departing after seven innings with a 5-4 lead in the latter (two of the runs were unearned; the bullpen coughed up the lead in the eighth but the White Sox eventually won in fourteen innings).

(Fun fact: that White Sox team only used six starting pitchers all season: Mark Buehrle will be eligible for the Hall of Fame in 2021, Garland and Garcia are Bizarro Hall of Famers, Orlando Hernandez didn’t pitch long enough to be eligible, Jose Contreras was eligible this year but didn’t make the ballot, and Brandon McCarthy will be eligible in 2024.)

A stalwart in Chicago’s rotation for his first eight seasons (he won 92 games, including 18 in both 2005 and 2006) after being drafted tenth overall by the Cubs in 1997 (he was traded to the South Side the following year), Garland became a journeyman in the final five years of his career, bouncing around to five different teams (including two separate stints with the Los Angeles Dodgers and every member of the National League West except for San Francisco).

(Another fun fact and Bizarro connection: Garland’s girlfriend, Lovieanne Jung, was a member of the United States Olympic Softball teams in 2004 and 2008. Jason Bay’s sister, Lauren Bay-Regula, played for the Canadian Olympic Softball teams in 2004 and 2008.)

Travis Hafner – Not many 31st round draft picks reach the major leagues, let alone become one of the most feared hitters in baseball over multiple seasons, but that’s what Hafner did. Drafted by Texas in 1996, he appeared in 23 games for the Rangers in 2002 before being dealt to Cleveland in the offseason. He did alright for himself in just over half a season with the Indians in 2003 (14 homeruns, 115 OPS+) before going off for the next four seasons with averages of 32 homeruns, 108 RBI, and a 156 OPS+ (and that last number is dragged down by a 120 mark in 2007). Maybe most impressive, he posted .400+ on-base percentages the first three of those years and walked at least 100 times in the last two.

Alas, it wasn’t built to last. After a dismal 2008, Hafner enjoyed four well-above average offensive seasons in Cleveland, but only once recorded more than 400 plate appearances. He finished his career with the Yankees in 2013, hitting .202 with 12 homeruns and 37 RBI.

The second-best player from North Dakota in major league history (Darin Erstad has yet to be knocked from his perch atop this mountain), Hafner had a couple cool homerun moments: on July 19, 2004, he hit two homeruns, then followed it up with three the next day for a total of five in two games; and on July 7, 2011, he hit one of 29 “ultimate” grand slams in major league history – a walk-off grand slam when trailing by three runs.

Ted Lilly – Lilly pitched for six teams in fifteen major leagues seasons. He was drafted and signed by the Dodgers, became a Top 100 prospect with the Expos, and enjoyed his best seasons with the Cubs and Blue Jays. Yet for some reason, I always think of him as a Yankee. There is no good explanation for this.

My extensive research for this post led me to Wikipedia (it was the second search result for “Ted Lilly”), where I learned that Lilly took a no-hitter into the ninth inning against the White Sox on June 13, 2010. The player who ruined his attempt at immortality was fellow 2019 Bizarro inductee Juan Pierre.

Derek Lowe – Lowe had one of those careers that was just awesomely weird. He started out being traded from Seattle to Boston with Jason Varitek for Heathcliff Slocumb in one of the great lopsided trades of all-time. After tying for the team lead in saves in 1999, he became Boston’s full-time closer in 2000 and responded with 42 saves, a 2.56 ERA, and an All-Star appearance. He wasn’t as effective the next season (3.53 ERA and just 24 saves in 67 appearances for a Red Sox team that imploded down the stretch), but there was something interesting in there at the end: his final three outings of the season were all starts, and he pitched really well, allowing just two earned runs in 16 innings while striking out 15.

The next year was another high – he finished 21-8 with a 2.58 ERA and 177 ERA+, made his second All-Star team in three seasons, finished third in the Cy Young voting, and pitched a no-hitter against Tampa Bay on April 27. He was pretty good, so of course the next year was another down swing: 17 wins and a 4.47 ERA that helped underscore just how meaningless wins could be as a statistic (hasn’t stopped me from using them here though, I will freely admit). The next season, 2004, was even worse (14-12, 5.42 ERA) and it looked like he was on his way out of Boston…so of course he finished in the strongest way possible, recording the win in the deciding games of the ALDS (after coming on in relief), the ALCS (one run on one hit in six innings), and the World Series (seven innings, no runs, three hits).

He left as a free agent and pitched nine more years for five different teams, eventually becoming one of those, “wait, he’s still around?!” guys. (This may only interest me, but over the course of his career he led the league in wins (2006 with the Dodgers), losses (2011 with the Braves), and saves (2000 with the Red Sox).) And if nothing else he was a reliable back of the rotation starter, averaging a 15-11 record and 4.01 ERA from 2002-11, and durable to boot, with 33 starts and 203 innings a year in that same time frame.

Darren Oliver – The 13,999th player in major league history according to Baseball-Reference, Oliver came up as a reliever, spent eight years as a starter, and then worked out of the bullpen for most of his final eight and a half seasons. Somehow, in 2011, he and fellow Bizarro Hall of Famer/Ageless Wonder Arthur Rhodes spent time in the same bullpen with the Texas Rangers (I’m not sure why a team would need to employ two old LOOGYs, but who am I to argue with results?). Oliver had the better record but Rhodes won in the end, joining the Cardinals after his July release and beating his former team in the World Series. They did not appear in the same game at any point in that Series: Rhodes pitched in Games 1, 2, and 7 for St. Louis, while Oliver appeared in Games 3, 5, and 6 for the Rangers.

Juan Pierre – I’ve been in a 30-team fantasy baseball keeper league for over ten years now. For much, if not all, of that time, one of our teams has been named, “I Still Hate Juan Pierre More Than You Do.” I’ve never understood it, and I’ve never asked, but now I’m starting to think that Ted Lilly is in my fantasy baseball league.

If I’m being serious, though, Pierre was a pretty solid player with a game founded on speed (three seasons with 10+ triples and 614 career stolen bases) and durability (five straight seasons with 162 games played, a streak of 821 straight that Wikipedia tells me gets recorded as two separate streaks because he was once used as a pinch-runner in the middle). He was hard to strike out (479 in 14 seasons) and didn’t walk much (464 times) but amassed over 2,200 career hits (including four seasons with 200+). He led the league in a number of categories, resulting in a Black Ink score of 21, not too far off the average Hall of Famer score of 27.

Vernon Wells – A three-time Gold Glove winner who could hit for power (three 30-homerun seasons and five 20-homerun seasons in a fifteen-year career), Wells was followed by the seven year, $126 million contract he signed after the 2006 seasons. Like Carl Crawford, Jacoby Ellsbury, and many others after him, Wells struggled to live up to the deal, though he did produce reasonably good seasons in 2008 and 2010 before being traded to the Angels. The problem is, when money like that is involved, “reasonably good” often isn’t enough. It’s funny, though: while I remember it as being terrible at the time, it doesn’t seem as awful in retrospect.

Kevin Youkilis – A part of Boston’s World Series championship teams in 2004 and 2007, Youkilis hit .500 in the 2007 ALCS against Cleveland, hitting safely in all seven games and recording multiple hits five times. He won a Gold Glove at first base after breaking into the majors as a third baseman. The following two seasons he finished third and sixth in the MVP voting, respectively, and made the first two of his three career All-Star teams.

Youkilis is Jewish, and I did not realize that in 2004 (at least) he did not play on Yom Kippur. He is married to Patriot quarterback Tom Brady’s sister.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

The Bizarro Hall of Fame: Introducing the Class of 2018

Orlando Hudson – a veteran of six major league teams, Hudson won Gold Gloves for three of them, totaling four in the five-year stretch from 2005-09. He was a roughly average hitter, with four seasons of 10+ home runs and a career OPS+ of 97, though he did hit for the cycle on April 13, 2009, in his first home game as a member of the Dodgers. Hudson’s two-time All-Star career was one of the more unlikely in Bizarro history: he began his professional baseball life as a 43rd round pick in the 1997 draft.

Aubrey Huff – one of the top power hitters in the early years of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Huff had .300-30-100 seasons in 2003 (.311-34-107) and 2008 (.304-32-108) and just missed a third in 2004 (.297-29-104). He finished seventh in the National League MVP voting in 2010, hitting .290-26-86 to lead the San Francisco Giants to their first World Series win since 1954 (he added a second ring two years later, though his contributions to that run were far less).

In early 2017, Huff authored an autobiography, Baseball Junkie, that talked about his struggles with depression, anxiety, and the murder of his father when Aubrey was six years old. Shortly before the publication of the book, Huff was involved in a controversial Twitter exchange stemming from comments he made supporting newly elected President Donald Trump.

Jason Isringhausen – at one time, Isringhausen was supposed to be the Future of the New York Mets, a young gun who would – with fellow phenoms Bill Pulsipher and Paul Wilson – return the organization to the glory days of Gooden and Strawberry. And for a time, it looked like that would be the case: as a rookie in 1995, Isringhausen went 9-2 with a 2.81 ERA and 144 ERA+, kicking off his career with seven innings of two-hit ball against the Cubs on July 17; the right-hander finished fourth in the National League Rookie of the Year voting.

He lost the 1998 season to injury and, almost exactly four years later, on June 19, 1999, Isringhausen made the final start of his major league career, allowing six runs and failing to get out of the third inning against St. Louis. Seventeen days later, his second career began when he emerged from the bullpen to record the first of 300 career saves, a three-inning, three-hit performance against the Montreal Expos (fun fact: his 300th save also came as a member of the Mets, on August 1, 2011).

Isringhausen notched eight more saves in 1999 (all of them after being traded to the Oakland Athletics at the July 31 deadline), then blossomed in 2000, saving 30+ games in seven of the following eight seasons. His best year with the statistic came in 2004, when he had 47 saves for St. Louis en route a World Series loss against Boston

Brad Lidge – Lidge was a beast in 2004 and 2005, posting a 2.07 ERA with 71 saves and a 14.2 K/9 in 150 games for Houston before saving Games Two, Three, and Four of the National League Championship Series against St. Louis. It was Game Five that was credited with destroying his Closer’s Psyche, however; after striking out the first two batters, the next two batters reached to bring up Albert Pujols. On the second pitch, Pujols did something completely indecent to Lidge’s slider, launching it about 900 feet to left field. Though the Astros ultimately defeated St. Louis and advanced to the World Series, Lidge neither saved another game nor pitched particularly well the rest of the postseason.

He struggled in 2006 and 2007, with the difficulties attributed to Pujols, but Lidge proved in 2008 that the moment had not defeated him. Pitching for the Phillies after arriving in a five-player offseason deal, he was again dominant, recording 41 saves and a 1.95 ERA in 72 games. He made his second All-Star appearance, finished fourth in the Cy Young voting, and eighth in the MVP race. Most importantly, he was nails when it counted: in two World Series games, he pitched two innings and recorded two saves. His finest moment came in the same game and inning as his worst: with two outs in the ninth inning of Game Five, he struck out Eric Hinske to clinch Philadelphia’s first baseball championship since 1980.

Kevin Millwood – Millwood spent the first six seasons of his career with the Atlanta Braves, twice winning 18 games and finishing third in the 1999 National League Cy Young voting. He wasn’t really the same following a trade to Philadelphia following the 2002 season: despite an American League ERA title in 2005, he posted a 94-106 record, 4.34 ERA (100 ERA+), and 6.5 K/9 in the final ten years of his career (compared to 75-46, 3.73, and 7.5 with the Braves). All told he played for seven teams in 16 seasons and led the American League with 16 losses in 2010.

Millwood’s career came with two big highlights: in his first postseason outing on October 6, 1999, he beat Houston with a complete game one-hitter (the only hit was a second inning home run by the late Ken Caminiti); and on April 27, 2003, shortly after joining the Phillies, he pitched a no-hitter against San Francisco, walking three and striking out ten.

Carlos Zambrano – I’ll probably always remember Zambrano as the ace of the pre-World Series Cubs. He was good for 30+ starts a year from 2003-08, compiling a 91-51 record, 3.39 ERA, and 1,075 strikeouts in that span. He closed out that run with a no-hitter on September 14, 2008. Zambrano made three All-Star appearances and has three Top 5 Cy Young finishes to his credit, but also struggled with control at times, leading the National League in walks in 2005 and 2006 and hit batsmen in 2004.

Zambrano also won three Silver Slugger awards in a career that saw him slug 24 home runs, tied with John Clarkson and Bob Gibson for the seventh-most by a pitcher. His career ended in 2012 at the age of 31; his current age of 36 likely puts him in the running for the youngest Bizarro in history (file that under, “Things I Claim Without Looking at Any Actual Data”).

Thursday, January 19, 2017

The Bizarro Hall of Fame: Introducing the Class of 2017

Every year, like many baseball fans, I anxiously await the results of the voting for the National Baseball Hall of Fame. Where most fans look immediately to the top of the page, however, my eyes immediately drop to the bottom, to the players who appeared on the ballot but received zero votes. They are the newest additions to my long-running series: The Bizarro Hall of Fame.

There are eleven new members this year, bringing the total to 247 since 1978. While the number of annual newcomers has been on the rise (from 1993-2010 there were never more than five inductees in any given year; since 2011, there haven’t been fewer than six), this is only the second time since 1991 that more than ten players were honored (there were also eleven in 2013).

I noted in last year’s introduction that it is harder than ever to get to the computer to write these posts. Well, obviously I needed this, because I started searching for “Hall of Fame voting results announced” a month ago, sent an angry text to my friends Chris and Billy earlier today when I realized the results wouldn’t be announced until 6pm (I passed the time by shoveling the driveway), and am currently sitting in my kitchen at 11:43 getting ready to write about a bunch of guys I barely remember. They are true Bizarros. I love them.

(One last note: Tim Wakefield got one Hall of Fame vote this year. I can’t believe this. He was integral to my baseball fandom – he pitched the first game I saw live, he was my wife’s all-time favorite player, he gave up the homerun to Aaron Boone – yet I wanted him to make this list. I had his entry half-written in my head while shoveling. This is the most disappointed I’ve been in the Bizarro process since Rich Garces and Mike Morgan were snubbed from the ballot altogether several years ago. I blame Dan Shaughnessy.)

Corey (Casey) Blake – This is the best. The absolute best. The player listed on the voting results at the Hall of Fame website is Corey Blake. “Who the fuck is Corey Blake?” was the first thought that popped into my head and the answer immediately became obvious: he’s nobody. He doesn’t exist, at least in a baseball sense. The actual Hall of Fame eligible player was Casey Blake, who played for five teams in 13 major league seasons. I’ve seen mistakes in the official results before, but this is a pretty impressive one.

Blake’s career was also impressive: he didn’t make his major league debut until nine days before his 26th birthday, had 125 plate appearances in 49 games for three teams in his first four seasons, yet still managed to play 13 years, including a nice little eight year run from 2003-10 where he averaged .265 with 23 homeruns and 83 RBI. In Cleveland’s seven-game loss to Boston in the 2007 ALCS, he hit .346 with a homerun.

Even his exit from Cleveland was a good thing: when the Indians sent him to Los Angeles near the 2008 trade deadline, one of the players they received in return was prospect Carlos Santana, who has served as an above-average bat in their lineup for the past six seasons.

Pat Burrell – My friend Nadine is a huge Phillies fan. About a year and a half ago we were at a reunion for past Hall of Fame interns when she and our friend Trish told me a story about returning to Cooperstown in 2003, the year after our internship, and chasing a car carrying Pat the Bat down the street. Todd Pratt may also have been involved. I remember no other specifics but believe this to be 100% true.

If my math is right, Burrell is the second first overall pick (after Bob Horner) to make the Bizarro Hall, which means there are more first overall picks in the Bizarro Hall than the real Hall. He and Matt Stairs are probably the obligatory “2000s slugging outfielders” in this year’s class: Burrell went deep 292 times in his career, hitting more than 30 four times. He owns two World Series rings (Philadelphia in 2008 and San Francisco in 2010) despite hitting .037 (1-for-27) for his career in the Fall Classic. That one hit was pretty big, though: a leadoff double in the seventh inning of the fifth game against the Rays in 2008. Burrell was removed for pinch-runner Eric Bruntlett, who went on to score the eventual Series-winning run.

Orlando Cabrera – This is one of those guys I don’t really have to look up. Not that I remember a lot of his stats (none of them, actually), but for a Red Sox fan the only important numbers in Cabrera’s career are 2004. That July, he was acquired in a deal for Nomar Garciaparra, improving Boston’s infield defense and giving them a key piece in their march to the World Series. It’s weird that he only played 58 games in Boston before leaving for the Angels as a free agent; it feels like he was there a lot longer.

Mike Cameron – A quality centerfielder who won three Gold Gloves, Cameron also showed off a nice mix of speed and power during his career, hitting 278 homeruns and stealing 297 bases in 17 seasons. His most memorable moment came on May 2, 2002, when he tied a major league record with four homeruns against the Chicago White Sox. (Fun fact: the Mariners lineup that day also included Bizarros Ruben Sierra, Carlos Guillen, and Jeff Cirillo).

Cameron was involved in two key trades as a young player. Following the 1998 season, he was sent from the Chicago White Sox to the Cincinnati Reds, straight-up, for Paul Konerko (Chicago was Konerko’s third team, but he went on to spend the remainder of a very successful 18-year career there; counting the Mariners, Cameron played for six more teams). Then, in February 2000, he was one of four players traded to the Mariners for Ken Griffey Jr.

J.D. Drew – J.D. Drew took a lot of flak throughout his career for having a negative attitude. He was one of those guys who just didn’t seem to really care about what he was doing, which I realized in light bulb moment at one point during his tenure with the Red Sox may have been absolutely true. We expect baseball players (all athletes, really) to love their jobs because it seems so obviously cool; well, maybe Drew was no different from a lot of ordinary people who can’t stand their jobs even though they’re good at them. His problem was that his position put him on a much bigger stage under a much brighter light, so we got to SEE him being like, “Blah, gotta go to work today. UGH,” and taking sick days even when we totally knew he wasn’t sick. I don’t know, just a theory.

The thing is, though, Drew wasn’t terrible. He got a bad rap for his attitude, and for the way he first appeared in the public eye (refusing to sign with the Phillies after they drafted him, and even going so far as to play independent ball and reenter the draft to avoid the City of Brotherly Love), but he could hit: from 2000-09, he averaged .286 with 20 homeruns, 65 RBI, and a 132 OPS+, and while his 2007 debut with the Boston Red Sox was poor (his 105 OPS+ was the lowest of that ten year stretch), all was forgiven when he hit a first-inning grand slam in Game Six of the ALCS that set the tone and virtually guaranteed a Game Seven.

Carlos Guillen – A three-time All-Star, Guillen had a nice post-season for the Tigers in 2006, sandwiching a .571 ALDS average and a .353 World Series average around a disappointing ALCS. WAR credits him with high-quality offensive seasons in 2004 (4.6) and 2006 (6.0).

Like Cameron, Guillen was involved in one of the trades that broke up the Seattle Mariners’ potential dynasty: as a minor-leaguer in 1998, he was acquired from the Houston Astros with two other players for Randy Johnson.

Derrek Lee – Upon seeing Lee’s name, my friend Chris texted, “Derrek Lee must have been better than memory than his stats,” and I think he was right. Lee was a really good offensive player, but his outstanding 2005 season (.335, 46 homeruns, 107 RBI, 174 OPS+, 393 total bases, a Gold Glove, and third place in the MVP voting) skews him in our memory. We spread that value over the course of his career in our minds when that was really an anomaly.

Melvin Mora – Like Casey Blake, Mora debuted at an advanced age for baseball (he was already 27 before he played his first game) but still managed to put together a nice 13-year career in the major leagues. He started out primarily as a shortstop before moving to the outfield (though he was slotted in virtually everywhere). He became the regular third baseman for the Baltimore Orioles in 2004 and immediately enjoyed his finest offensive season, hitting .340 with 27 homeruns, 104 RBI, and a league-leading .419 on-base percentage.

Arthur Rhodes – If Burrell and Stairs are the obligatory sluggers on this year’s Bizarro list, then Rhodes is the obligatory reliever. It seems like every year there is one who gets inducted. Usually those guys have a bunch of saves; in this case, Rhodes played 20 years and transitioned from a mediocre starter into a high quality LOOGY. From 2000-11, he averaged more than one inning per appearance just twice, and his numbers from 2008-10 were excellent: 2.32 ERA, 8.6 K/9, 181 ERA+.

His last season wasn’t very good (he had a 4.64 ERA in 33 innings over 51 appearances with the Rangers and Cardinals, which isn’t very good when your job is basically to get one guy out), but he finished his career in style (against the team that had released him earlier in the year, no less): called upon in the seventh inning of the seventh game of the World Series with no outs, a runner on second, and his Cardinals ahead 5-2, Rhodes got Yorvit Torrealba to fly out to center. Three fellow relievers continued to preserve the lead and eight outs later, Rhodes was able to retire with his first World Series ring.

Freddy Sanchez – He was supposed to follow Nomar as the Red Sox shortstop. Instead, he was traded to Pittsburgh (where he made three All-Star appearances and won a batting title) and played mostly second and third base. So that almost worked out as expected. Meanwhile, Boston had to wait another decade to figure out what to do about shortstop, because everyone they put there either left or somehow forgot how to play baseball. Cabrera, Edgar Renteria (who got two votes this year), Alex Gonzalez (I completely forgot about him), Julio Lugo (I remember him all too well), Nick Green, Marco Scutaro, Mike Aviles, and Stephen Drew. It looks even worse all listed out like that. No one had better complain about Xander Bogaerts, ever.

One thing I really like about Sanchez is that he just barely made the Hall of Fame ballot. Players have to play ten years to even be considered; Sanchez saw action in parts of ten seasons, including one year in which he played just nine games (and another with just twelve). Pittsburgh doesn’t give him a look in September 2004 and we’re not having this conversation.

Matt Stairs – I’ve mentioned him twice already, now here he is. This big, burly Canadian played 19 seasons in the major leagues, and I am absolutely astounded to look at his Baseball-Reference page and see two things:

1) He is listed at 5’9”, 200 pounds. Nonsense. I am quite certain that Stairs was at least seven feet tall, weighed 500 pounds, and used an oak tree for a bat. He is Canadian, after all.

2) He had 265 career homeruns. I was positive we were in the 300s.

No matter. I still like him. He was a good player who hit homeruns (five seasons with 20 or more) and more often than not had a decent OPS+. He also played for everybody – 12 teams in those 19 seasons.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

The Bizarro Hall of Fame: Introducing the Class of 2016

Remember that scene in "Die Hard 2" when the British plane is getting ready to (crash) land after the bad guys give the pilots the wrong coordinates for the runway? As they show a little bit of the action inside the cabin, with relieved people preparing for the end of their journey, one of the stewardesses leans over to a woman and says something like, "It's British Air. We may be late, but we get you there."

That's me. That's this post. British Air. It's late, but it's here.

In the old days (like, 2012), I used to look forward to Hall of Fame announcement day. Not so much for the inductees - I mean, they were cool and all, don't get me wrong - but for the Bizarros. It was always a good time, anticipating who would make my list, and I looked forward to preparing the post as quickly as possible.

Then, of course, I had children. There are four of them now, little creatures who rely on me to do stuff like feed them and clothe them and pay attention to them and work to support them, and while I still eagerly anticipate the day the voting results are announced, I can't always charge to the computer to sit down and bang out a few hundred words about the newest members of my little club. This year, the computer wasn't even an option (if you've ever tried using a laptop with a two-year-old in the vicinity, you know what I'm talking bout). I had to write the majority of this post on my iPhone (in between Game of War sessions. Holy addictive, Batman). Hopefully that isn't too noticeable for the nine of you who read it. The jokes should be just as bad as usual and the research just as shoddy. These are services I pride myself on providing.

As for the Bizarro book...there has been no movement on that front since I moved into my house in October 2014. Scratch that - I didn't really work on it for a few months before that either, so we're probably looking at close to two years of inactivity. Again, you know, kids, adult responsibilities, yadda yadda yadda. There's a big stack of books and magazines in my "office", though, and a Darrell Porter autobiography in my bathroom, so the itch is still there. Keep the faith, we'll get there someday. I really do love this series.

Brad Ausmus - The longest-tenured Dartmouth alum in MLB history, Ausmus won three Gold Gloves and caught nearly 2,000 major league games. Yet I'm most fascinated by August 14, 2005, when he played shortstop for an inning and was the middle-man in an inning-ending 4-6-3 double play. I hope he has that ball on his mantle. (Fittingly, his top ten comps on Baseball-Reference include three borderline Hall of Fame catchers - one of whom is actually in Cooperstown for his managerial prowess - and two shortstops.)

Luis Castillo - The name "Luis Castillo" instantly makes me think of two things: the would-be game-ending pop-up he dropped against the Yankees in 2009 (I seemed to recall the reaction to this being overwrought, and I wasn't wrong - the story I found made a June game sound like the seventh game is the World Series) and his 35 game hitting streak in 2002. The streak was the 10th longest in modern history at the time and the longest in fifteen years. (His manager? Fellow Bizarro Jeff Torborg.)

Troy Glaus - Troy Glaus was a home run champion and four-time All-Star who won a World Series ring with the Angels in 2002, but I will always remember him for purely selfish reasons. In May 2009, two friends traded him to me in our fantasy baseball league, noting that the web site hosting our league said he was expected back from a shoulder injury by the end of the month. Every few weeks, the info would update. He’ll be back by June…he’ll be ready by the All-Star break...he should see game action by August.

He didn't return to the lineup until the beginning of September, ultimately hitting .172 without a home run in 14 games.

Mark Grudzielanek - Mark Grudzielanek is the consummate Bizarro Hall of Famer, one of those guys whose name you see and say to yourself, "Oh, hey, yeah, he...did that thing that one time. It was pretty impressive. I think. If I remember right." In Grudzielanek's case, "that thing" was playing for the Expos and hitting a league-leading 54 doubles one season. Hey, it's more than some guys have.

(Obviously he did other stuff on the baseball field - Eastern League MVP, Gold Glove winner, All-Star Game participant - but what could POSSIBLY be more impressive than the 1987 Skee Ball regional championship? I have never in my life wanted so badly for Wikipedia to be correct about something.)

Mike Hampton - Sometimes, Bizarro guys are fun because I don't really need to look the player up to write a blurb. I mean, I'll double check myself just to make sure the facts and dates are straight, but the stories for some of these guys just come easy.

With Hampton, there are four things I know: 1) he had an excellent season with Houston in 1999 (or maybe 2000...dammit, where's my internet? Yup, it was 1999), going 22-4 and finishing second in the Cy Young voting; 2) he signed a lucrative contract to pitch for the Colorado Rockies, something we have come to realize no pitcher should ever do; 3) he got hurt A LOT, missing two full seasons (while still getting paid something like $34 million, so you know, good for him) (okay, $29 million, I looked it up) and big chunks of the two years on either end; and 4) he eventually worked his way back onto a major league mound.

Of course, there are also some things I forgot. Here’s four of them: 1) he was traded by the Astros after that excellent 1999 season and helped his new team, the New York Mets, to the National League pennant; 2) he only spent two dismal seasons in Colorado before being traded twice in two days, for a total of six players; 3) he was an excellent hitter, batting .246 with 16 career home runs, including seven for the Rockies in 2001 (when he was worth 1.2 WAR as a hitter and 0.3 as a pitcher); and 4) not only did he return to the mound, he did so in style: in his final 4 1/3 innings in 2010, spread over 10 appearances, the former 20-game winner-turned-LOOGY did not allow a run.

Mike Lowell - A Gold Glove winner and three-time All-Star with the Marlins, a subpar 2005 had Lowell looking like a throw-in piece of the Josh Beckett-for-Hanley Ramirez trade in November of that year. He was good in 2006 (.284, 20 home runs, 80 RBI) before enjoying an exceptional 2007 season, hitting .324 with 21 home runs, 120 RBI, and finishing fifth in the American League MVP voting. He capped the comeback campaign with a World Series MVP award after hitting .400 with a home run against the Rockies.

The performance earned him a three year contract worth $37.5 million. He wasn't bad for a good part of it, but never again looked like the guy who had earned that deal in the first place.

Randy Winn - In 2002, Winn had a breakout year as one of the lone bright spots on the perennially hapless Devil Rays, hitting .298 with 14 home runs and 27 stolen bases while making the first and only All-Star Game appearance of his career. So it makes perfect sense that Tampa Bay shipped him across the country to Seattle in exchange for manager Lou Piniella after the season. The deal worked out well for nobody, really: Piniella left the Devil Rays after three years and a .412 winning percentage (the only one of his five managerial stops with a sub-.500 mark), while Winn enjoyed 2 1/2 decent years with the Mariners before being dealt to San Francisco at the 2005 trade deadline.

Winn never played in the postseason, which must have made his late-career path all the more frustrating. He left San Francisco after the 2009 season - they won the World Series the following year. He signed with the New York Yankees in 2010 - they had just won the World Series the previous year. He was released by the Yankees and signed with St. Louis - they would go on to win the World Series in 2011. Missed it by that much.