Remember that scene in "Die Hard 2" when the British plane is getting ready to (crash) land after the bad guys give the pilots the wrong coordinates for the runway? As they show a little bit of the action inside the cabin, with relieved people preparing for the end of their journey, one of the stewardesses leans over to a woman and says something like, "It's British Air. We may be late, but we get you there."
That's me. That's this post. British Air. It's late, but it's here.
In the old days (like, 2012), I used to look forward to Hall of Fame announcement day. Not so much for the inductees - I mean, they were cool and all, don't get me wrong - but for the Bizarros. It was always a good time, anticipating who would make my list, and I looked forward to preparing the post as quickly as possible.
Then, of course, I had children. There are four of them now, little creatures who rely on me to do stuff like feed them and clothe them and pay attention to them and work to support them, and while I still eagerly anticipate the day the voting results are announced, I can't always charge to the computer to sit down and bang out a few hundred words about the newest members of my little club. This year, the computer wasn't even an option (if you've ever tried using a laptop with a two-year-old in the vicinity, you know what I'm talking bout). I had to write the majority of this post on my iPhone (in between Game of War sessions. Holy addictive, Batman). Hopefully that isn't too noticeable for the nine of you who read it. The jokes should be just as bad as usual and the research just as shoddy. These are services I pride myself on providing.
As for the Bizarro book...there has been no movement on that front since I moved into my house in October 2014. Scratch that - I didn't really work on it for a few months before that either, so we're probably looking at close to two years of inactivity. Again, you know, kids, adult responsibilities, yadda yadda yadda. There's a big stack of books and magazines in my "office", though, and a Darrell Porter autobiography in my bathroom, so the itch is still there. Keep the faith, we'll get there someday. I really do love this series.
Brad Ausmus - The longest-tenured Dartmouth alum in MLB history, Ausmus won three Gold Gloves and caught nearly 2,000 major league games. Yet I'm most fascinated by August 14, 2005, when he played shortstop for an inning and was the middle-man in an inning-ending 4-6-3 double play. I hope he has that ball on his mantle. (Fittingly,
his top ten comps on Baseball-Reference include three borderline Hall of Fame catchers - one of whom is actually in Cooperstown for his managerial prowess - and two shortstops.)
Luis Castillo - The name "Luis
Castillo" instantly makes me think of two things: the would-be game-ending
pop-up he dropped against the Yankees in 2009 (I seemed to recall the reaction
to this being overwrought, and I wasn't wrong - the story I found made a June
game sound like the seventh game is the World Series) and his 35 game hitting
streak in 2002. The streak was the 10th longest in modern history at the time
and the longest in fifteen years. (His manager? Fellow Bizarro Jeff Torborg.)
Troy Glaus - Troy Glaus was a home
run champion and four-time All-Star who won a World Series ring with the Angels
in 2002, but I will always remember him for purely selfish reasons. In May
2009, two friends traded him to me in our fantasy baseball league, noting that
the web site hosting our league said he was expected back from a shoulder
injury by the end of the month. Every few weeks, the info would update. He’ll
be back by June…he’ll be ready by the All-Star break...he should see game
action by August.
He didn't return to the lineup until the beginning
of September, ultimately hitting .172 without a home run in 14 games.
Mark
Grudzielanek - Mark Grudzielanek is the consummate Bizarro Hall of Famer,
one of those guys whose name you see and say to yourself, "Oh, hey, yeah,
he...did that thing that one time. It was pretty impressive. I think. If I
remember right." In Grudzielanek's case, "that thing" was playing
for the Expos and hitting a league-leading 54 doubles one season. Hey, it's
more than some guys have.
(Obviously he did other stuff on the baseball
field - Eastern League MVP, Gold Glove winner, All-Star Game participant - but
what could POSSIBLY be more impressive than the 1987 Skee Ball regional
championship? I have never in my life wanted so badly for Wikipedia to be
correct about something.)
Mike
Hampton - Sometimes, Bizarro guys are fun because I don't really need to
look the player up to write a blurb. I mean, I'll double check myself just to
make sure the facts and dates are straight, but the stories for some of these
guys just come easy.
With Hampton, there are four things I know: 1) he
had an excellent season with Houston in 1999 (or maybe 2000...dammit, where's
my internet? Yup, it was 1999), going 22-4 and finishing second in the Cy Young
voting; 2) he signed a lucrative contract to pitch for the Colorado Rockies,
something we have come to realize no pitcher should ever do; 3) he got hurt A
LOT, missing two full seasons (while still getting paid something like $34
million, so you know, good for him) (okay, $29 million, I looked it up) and big
chunks of the two years on either end; and 4) he eventually worked his way back
onto a major league mound.
Of course, there are also some things I forgot.
Here’s four of them: 1) he was traded by the Astros after that excellent 1999
season and helped his new team, the New York Mets, to the National League
pennant; 2) he only spent two dismal seasons in Colorado before being traded
twice in two days, for a total of six players; 3) he was an excellent hitter,
batting .246 with 16 career home runs, including seven for the Rockies in 2001
(when he was worth 1.2 WAR as a hitter and 0.3 as a pitcher); and 4) not only
did he return to the mound, he did so in style: in his final 4 1/3 innings in
2010, spread over 10 appearances, the former 20-game winner-turned-LOOGY did
not allow a run.
Mike Lowell
- A Gold Glove winner and three-time All-Star with the Marlins, a subpar 2005
had Lowell looking like a throw-in piece of the Josh Beckett-for-Hanley Ramirez
trade in November of that year. He was good in 2006 (.284, 20 home runs, 80
RBI) before enjoying an exceptional 2007 season, hitting .324 with 21 home
runs, 120 RBI, and finishing fifth in the American League MVP voting. He capped
the comeback campaign with a World Series MVP award after hitting .400 with a
home run against the Rockies.
The performance earned him a three year contract
worth $37.5 million. He wasn't bad for a good part of it, but never again
looked like the guy who had earned that deal in the first place.
Randy Winn
- In 2002, Winn had a breakout year as one of the lone bright spots on the
perennially hapless Devil Rays, hitting .298 with 14 home runs and 27 stolen
bases while making the first and only All-Star Game appearance of his career.
So it makes perfect sense that Tampa Bay shipped him across the country to
Seattle in exchange for manager Lou Piniella after the season. The deal worked
out well for nobody, really: Piniella left the Devil Rays after three years and
a .412 winning percentage (the only one of his five managerial stops with a sub-.500
mark), while Winn enjoyed 2 1/2 decent years with the Mariners before being
dealt to San Francisco at the 2005 trade deadline.
Winn never played in the postseason, which must
have made his late-career path all the more frustrating. He left San Francisco
after the 2009 season - they won the World Series the following year. He signed
with the New York Yankees in 2010 - they had just won the World Series the
previous year. He was released by the Yankees and signed with St. Louis - they
would go on to win the World Series in 2011. Missed it by that much.
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