The Bizarro Hall of Fame: Introducing the Class of 1981

As part of an ongoing project, One More Dying Quail will be profiling the 182 current members of the Bizarro Hall of Fame, an organization that currently exists only in my mind. It was created in the wake of Major League Baseball’s infamous Steroid Era as a way of honoring those players whose careers were perfectly mediocre: the only requirement is that a candidate be listed on the official Baseball Hall of Fame ballot and receive zero votes.
Class of 1981

Ken Berry – Berry wasn’t the offensive threat one might expect in an outfielder – 58 homeruns, .255 batting average, .652 OPS – but he stuck around for fourteen seasons on the strength of his glove. He won two Gold Gloves in 1970 and 1972, the second when he recorded thirteen outfield assists and did not commit an error for the California Angels.

Johnny Briggs – Briggs hit 139 homeruns in his twelve-year career, but none were more interesting than the first two. His first, a solo shot off the Mets’ Frank Lary on June 21, 1964, led off the first inning of an eventual 8-2 win for the Phillies; his second, a two-run job on May 10, 1965, ended a game against the St. Louis Cardinals.

Bill Hands – Most fans would remember Hall of Famer Ferguson Jenkins as the ace of the 1969 Chicago Cubs team that finished second to the Amazin’ Mets. Most fans would be wrong. As good as Jenkins was in 1969, Hands was better, posting a 20-14 record, 2.49 ERA and 181 strikeouts in exactly 300 innings pitched.

Bob Locker – A member of the original Seattle Pilots in 1969, Locker was one of the American League’s most used relievers from 1967 to 1970. He bounced around a bit throughout his career, from Chicago to Seattle to Milwaukee to Oakland and back to Chicago (with the Cubs this time), appearing in nearly 600 games and saving nearly 100. Locker saw action in the 1972 World Series with the Oakland Athletics, walking Johnny Bench intentionally and allowing a run scoring single to Tony Perez; in 1974, he was traded for future Hall of Famer Billy Williams.

Dal Maxvill – Owner of three World Series rings from his days with the Cardinals and Athletics, Maxvill has one of the worst offensive records of any player in Fall Classic history: a career .115 batting average (7-for-61), including an 0-22 disaster against the Tigers in 1968. On the bright side, he won a National League Gold Glove at shortstop that season.

Dick McAuliffe – A power-hitting middle infielder who might have put up even better numbers had he not played his prime years in the offensive sinkhole that was the late 1960s. McAuliffe was one of the American League’s best shortstops from 1965 to 1967, earning three consecutive All-Star nods before being moved to second base in 1968.

Sam McDowell – One of the hardest throwing pitchers in history, “Sudden Sam” was a six time All-Star who twice struck out more than 300 batters in a season. Despite phenomenal seasons in 1965 and 1968, he only finished among the top ten vote-getters for the Cy Young award once, in 1970. He was traded from Cleveland to San Francisco for Gaylord Perry in 1972, bounced to the Yankees the following year, and finished up with Pittsburgh in 1975.

(Coming soon: the Bizarro Hall of Fame Class of 1980)

(All Hall of Fame voting results were obtained from the official web site of the National Baseball Hall of Fame. Statistical information included in postings for the Bizarro Hall of Fame was, unless otherwise noted, originally compiled by Baseball-Reference.com.)